Thursday, May 03, 2007

You might be a true Christian if . . .

Ok, I hope it's not blasphemous or irreverent or immature of me, but i actually find these quite funny! I found them on, a profoundly anti-Christian website, so the author was most likely not "laughing with us," but i think it would do us good to see ourselves for a moment as many non-Christians see us. And i think they're hilarious!

  1. You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

  2. You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

  3. You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

  4. Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, animals and trees!

  5. You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

  6. You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (a few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is just a few generations old.

  7. You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs (excluding of course those in all rival sects) will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

  8. While modern science, history, geology, biology, physics and textual scholarship fail to convince you that the Bible may be less than reliable, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" is all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

  9. You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that small percentage to be evidence enough that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE rate was simply God saying "No."

  10. You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history, but still call yourself a Christian.


Anonymous said...

And what is so funny about that?

It is all true you know. You people are clueless.

Joy said...

I guess the simple answer is that they're exaggerated but there's just enough shadow of truth in many of them to make the exaggeration funny.

These paint all Christians to be mindless, superstitious, obnoxious, pushy, noisy, opinionated people. Although people like that do exist, many (i hope most) of us aren't like that. But we do, in fact, deny the existence of thousands of other Gods, feel honored to have been fashioned from dirt, and talk about our God as being three and one at the same time. We just aren't as deeply offended, angry, or disrespectful towards who disagree with us as the caricature portrays us.

But exaggerations are funny if you don't get offended by them. And they do show us in a light that we're not used to seeing ourselves in, and that keeps it interesting.